Excuse Me, Who Are You?

Excuse me, I don't mean to be rude, but, who are you? No, I know your name. I know where you go to school, where you work. What I mean is, what makes you you? I've either known you for a very long time or for no time at all, but I would like to get to know you. Maybe I don't know your favorite color. I would like to know your favorite color. Perhaps I shall like to know what your mother is like, what your childhood was like. Maybe there are some things that you don't know about me. When I think of my identity, I think of how I grew up, what my values are, what I have gone through that makes me do the things I do.

What do you think when you hear my name?

As I recently read Native Son by Richard Wright, I wanted to know who Bigger was and what made him the way he was. What his identity was. In my eyes, I saw a man who was full of fear and rage. But why? Why was he full of fear and rage? Why did he do the things he did? Were his murders what made him him? Looking at the novel like a play, I saw the curtain open on a set that was rat-infested and dark. Seeing four people sleeping and getting dressed in a one bedroom apartment. Could this be why Bigger was fearful and angry? I asked myself, but as the scene went deeper and deeper I knew my question was not answered yet.

Bigger’s Ma continuously badgered him to get a job, and Bigger would constantly find ways to get out of it. Perhaps Bigger is feared on being the man of the house! I would continue my thoughts. With no father around, maybe the element of lacking a masculine figure frightened him for the future—if he would ever become a dad, how would he do it? When he was around his friends, he had to be the man. In his mind, masculinity equals violence.

There was a pattern in Native Son where whenever Bigger was fearful, he would start getting angry and use violence. When he didn’t want to rob a store? Beats up Gus. When he didn’t want to get caught for being in Mary’s room? “Accidental” Smothering. When he didn’t want to get caught for killing Mary? Kills and rapes Bessie.

Though, is that what makes Bigger’s identity? Perhaps it is all in perspective. In one eye, you could say he is a brutal killing-machine, or that he is just an immature boy who does not know what he is doing. Who makes this decision? It is upon all of us. Many identities are formed by elements. What are the elements that make Bigger's identity what we think it is? His fatherless household, his pushy mother, the pressure of his brother looking up to him, the need for the friends in his gang to have him be the lead, his boss, Jan and Mary's little escapade, all of these things that make him act upon them, that is what his identity is. 

So, what do you think when you hear Bigger Thomas’s name? 

So, that's what you think when you hear my name. My identity is shaped by everything. My family, my friends, my school, my work, my hair, my eyes, my teeth, my spirit, the colors I see, the colors I don't see, who I love, who I hate. So I ask myself, who am I? And I urge you to ask yourself the same, and see what makes you that way.

(for my classmates reading this and commenting, the essential question I responded to was "Define identity. What elements help create a person's identity?)